I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sorry about my life...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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