She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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