the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
