K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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