yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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