We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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