I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
