I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
as a side note pls kill me
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
