Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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