these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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