Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
