Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Oh god it's open bar.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
