oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
