we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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