it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
