im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
