her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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