just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
