Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize