This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
