I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
