"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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