Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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