my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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