I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
