she woke up with a sticky ear
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
