I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really busy with my period
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