Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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