I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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