grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
3pm strippers are depressing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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