hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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