Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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