I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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