I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The power of my boobs compel you
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
