i think i have two assholes
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
