then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
