No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
