I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
