so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
