i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
