I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
