I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
