it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
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Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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