woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
