That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
