Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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