i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
