Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
