mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
