I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
