Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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