Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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