Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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