how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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