OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
