Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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