so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
