Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
