I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize