dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
