So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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