Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
