Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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