i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
