Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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